Dungeons and Dragons (2000) – The “movie”.

 

I have to escape from the deluge of friends who are well-meaning but try to play armchair epidemiologist on Facebook. Sometimes I re-watch The Sopranos or The Wire or The Godfather- and then realizing that I have kind of a one-note movie watching style, I’ll switch it up and watch Portrait of a Lady on Fire – which is Amazing, by the way.

My need for connection with folks in the midst of not seeing them leads me to having online hangouts. You can use Zoom or Google Meet or whatever you have available to you. My friend and I used Discord because it allows for simultaneous screen sharing where you can also hear the audio (not available on Zoom unless you do some trickery).

And out of the pain that is also called Nostalgia, my friend fired up Dungeons and Dragons from the year 2000. Let’s use some similes to describe it: This is like they took a Zena episode and made it one hour and 45 minutes and also included Marlon Wayans. This is like they went into the past, cloned Shia LaBeouf, realized Justin Long existed back then, then couldn’t afford him so they went with Justin Whalin instead.

The acting is terrible. The CG is terrible. The plot is very convoluted, but to be fair I fell asleep at multiple points in the movie because I had been consuming the deadly combination of Oreos and drinking Sierra Nevada IPA.

What is kind of impressive is that this movie came out before Lord of the Rings. (My hot take is that LOTR is okay but it doesn’t really hold up when you’re actually watching it. It’s too long and cumbersome.)

In any case, I kind of half way watched it. Don’t make that mistake. Just all-the-way don’t watch it.

Dungeons and Dragons gets the D+ grade from me just because I kind of liked the supporting actresses and Thora Birch deserved better.

Fargo and The Big Lebowski

April 14th –

We are all inside now. If we leave the house and visit our friends, then it’s against all medical science and logic or a place where the absurdity of existence has taken over. “Stay at home!” – You’ll get screamed at. You’ll shuffle on and grumble to yourself, “Well, if I’m going to get this thing, I’m going to get this thing. If I’m not, I’m not.”

And that’s about the mantra you can take with Coen Brothers movies. You’ll either get them or you won’t.

Here are some podcasts for those of you who get them. The episodes are not a complete bowing to the source material or lauding the Coens for being geniuses, but the podcast episodes also don’t rip the movies apart.

I’m listening to The First Edition song “Just Dropped In”. I would have never listened to this song had it not been for The Big Lebowski. They take obscure music, cartoony characters, bumbling thieves, and over the top violence and put it all together. The Coens’ movies are about music and mood and characters. Plot is something to be meandered through. Add all of those things together, and you get something that hits my brain and soul in the sweet spot.

I think Fargo and The Big Lebowski should be watched as close to back-to-back as you can stand. The same day, ideally. The same weekend is also acceptable.

The Big Lebowski is a retort to the brutalism of Fargo. Fargo is mostly violent and brooding, but funny in parts. The Big Lebowski is funny, but sometimes brutal and brooding.

Enjoy the Yin and Yang of these two gems. Tumble on.

Fargo: https://anchor.fm/culture-implosion/episodes/Coen-Brothers-Movie-Club-6–Fargo-1996-ecckoe

The Big Lebowski: https://anchor.fm/culture-implosion/episodes/Coen-Brothers-Movie-Club-7–The-Big-Lebowski-ecpuob

Main Podcast site: https://anchor.fm/culture-implosion

Also available on Spotify, Google, Apple, whatever. Look for the not great podcast name “Culture Implosion”.

Be excellent to each other.

-Pete

 

You’re gonna make it through this year.

For a slew of reasons, it’s gonna be tough this year. Mostly family related.

You ever invite folks over and then all of a sudden, you’re knee-deep in a Google Hangout messaging barrage with a family member? And simultaneously on the phone reading verbatim that family member’s hangout messages to someone else who lives 2000 miles away?

If you have 70 year old chronically ill narcissistic parents you might relate.

So, at only 2 days into the new decade, I felt it appropriate to bring you this gem again:

The Mountain Goats released this anthem for all of us, the ageless anxiety ridden denizens of the planet that is literally on fire, back in 2005. The Australian Fire was not happening in 2005, but we also didn’t have an Obama presidency yet. Either way, this is an anthem that will stand the test of time. Although it’s arguable for me whether this or Palmcorder Yajna is their best song.

In any case, I was extremely hungry because I was waiting for my friend to get to my apartment so we could eat a brunch of eggs and tater tots and orange juice and other assorted things that I was attempting to use up to free up some much-needed fridge space. The lesson here: do not wait until you get jittery to eat. That is bad news. Especially when the absurdest urgent but actually not urgent phone calls and texts pour in.

The hangry-ness probably affected my ability to juggle the explaining to someone on the phone what a 70 year old was typing to me on Google hangouts with any sort of decorum. My insides are incapable of producing empathy at times like this and I just go into full blown John Cusack in the rain mode.

So, having eaten a thing and gotten the ever-so-urgent requests taken care of, we watched the truly confounding and horrible movie The Holiday (2006):

 

I won’t get into it here, but suffice it to say that Amanda and Juliet and Kari from theringer.com ‘s The Rewatchables podcast convinced me that I should check this monstrosity out. I loved the podcast episode about this movie way more than I liked the movie. My friend who is way more acquainted with rom com type flicks defended it at parts because it’s truly a nice movie.

Just coming off of the juggling of hangouts and carbs and eggs, this movie did kind of wash over me and put me in a state where I was in desperate need of a nap. But the movie is atrociously acted and written. So many good stars were in this. Kate Winslet. Cameron Diaz at the height of her powers. Jack Black as a romantic lead? Jude Law as a supposedly nice dude?

Go watch it if you’re looking for a huge puzzling mess of a movie.

Set boundaries, breathe. You’re gonna make it through this year, y’all.

 

Roller Derby: Bridging 101

This resource probably exists somewhere, but I didn’t find it in my 10 or 15 minutes of searching, so I typed something up really quick.

Bridging 101

PACK DEFINITION-
“The Pack is the largest group of in bounds and upright Blockers in proximity and containing members from both teams. If no single group of Blockers meets this definition, there is no Pack, even if there are multiple groups of the same size. Proximity is defined as not more than 10 ft (3.05m), as measured from the hips, in front of or behind the nearest Pack Skater.”
(https://rules.wftda.com/02_gameplay.html#engagement-zone-pack)

That means that you’ve got to be within 10 feet* of the nearest blocker to be considered in the pack. *For purposes of this basic explanation.

ENGAGEMENT ZONE –

“The Engagement Zone is the area in which it is legal for Blockers to engage or be engaged. The Engagement Zone extends forward and backward 20 ft (6.10m) from the foremost and rearmost Pack Skaters, respectively. Any Blocker outside of the Engagement Zone is out of play and cannot engage or be engaged. Blockers who are outside of the Engagement Zone will be warned, and will be penalized if they do not immediately attempt to return to the Engagement Zone. Blockers ahead of the Engagement Zone are only compelled to skate clockwise to return to the Engagement Zone if the Pack is stopped or moving clockwise. Skaters who are illegally blocked while out of play may legally counter-block.”

Bridging is all about keeping your teammates in play so they can block for the maximum length of the track.

SCENARIO ONE – BRIDGING FORWARD 1,1,2

 

So if we look at the scenario above, the blue circles are blockers from the opposing team lined up on the jam line.

The orange blockers, if they were bridging out to block a blue jammer, would need one bridge at the first hash mark – 10 feet

Then they’d need a second blocker at the second hash mark – 10 feet away from first bridge.

Then that leaves orange blockers three and four to block for a total of 20 feet more after that second bridge. Once they reach that first hash mark in the turn, they’d need to let the jammer go and go back and regroup.

This first scenario is the one we’ll most likely use the most: 1,1,2 forward bridging.

SECOND SCENARIO: BRIDGING FORWARD 1,1,1,1

 

You can see, it’s the same as the first scenario, only this time we’ve used the 3rd orange bridge out to allow a 4th orange blocker to try and block the jammer 20 feet out. (We don’t often encourage this one because one-on-one blocking is exponentially harder than two-on-one blocking.)

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU’RE BRIDGING:

-Communicate!
It’s every blockers’ responsibility to watch out for bridging. You should talk about what lane the jammer is in. And also tell your teammates if they need to bridge or if you’re bridging. Communicate, communicate.

-Become part of the bridge if you’re not actively blocking the jammer.
Don’t stop blocking to become bridge one, for example. If you are able to bridge because you’re not actively blocking the jammer, announce that you are bridging: “I got bridge one! I’m bridge one!” , “I’m bridge two. I got two!” etc.

-Once you are part of the bridge, communicate to your blockers when they need to drop one and start bridging.
The time to do this is generally at 8 feet because derby is loud and reaction times are slow.
“I need bridge two now!” – If you are bridging actively, you might have to call your teammate by name if they don’t respond because they’re busy blocking the jammer. This is all about communication and awareness. Be loud!

-Do not ONLY look forward (or backward, if you’re bridging backwards).
You need to be aware of the track. Look forward. Look backward. The opposing blockers might move up, in which case, hooray! Your bridge just got longer. You can move up to 10 feet away from them. Or the opposing blockers might be coming in for a sweep on you- bad news. If you get knocked down or out, you’re no longer part of the bridge. Be aware. Avoid hits. Move if the opposing pack moves.

-Turn yourself sideways, and get roughly in line with your other bridging teammates.
This is easier for refs to see, and easier for your teammates to see.

-When you’re bridging, keep communicating with the blockers who are blocking.
Helpful things to say: “You’re good! You’ve got (X amount) of feet to go!” And KEEP SAYING THINGS. The blockers blocking are counting on you to hold them in play. And they’re counting on you to let them know when they need to let the jammer go because they’re at that 20 feet out.

-Get together quickly!
If that jammer got out despite your best efforts, don’t bemoan it on the track. Get back together as fast as possible. Here again you’ll need to communicate. Good things to say: “ON ME! REFORM ON ME!” “JAMMER IS COMING UP!” “DROP!” etc.

SCENARIO 3: BRIDGING BACK 1,1,2

Same as the first scenario, just backwards. Same rules apply. This is often used when we’ve hit a jammer out, and we’re drawing them back. Blue circles are the opposing team. Orange team is bridging backwards. First bridge is at 10 feet, second is 10 feet after the first bridge, and blockers 3 and 4 can go up to 20 feet beyond that second bridge.

SCENARIO 4: BRIDGING BACK 1,1,1,1

Same as the 2nd scenario, just backwards. This happens a lot when you’ve got a seasoned player drawing a jammer back. Communicate and try to line up so that when you reform, you’re in the best place possible to block that jammer.
Blue circles are the opposing team. Orange team is bridging all the way back. First bridge at 10, second bridge 10 feet after first bridge, third bridge 10 feet after 2nd bridge, and 4 blocker has up to 20 feet past the third bridge to block.

ADVANCED:

Knock that jammer out and draw them back, reform, and repeat one of your bridging scenarios above.

 

9/27/19 – Listen, Read, Watch, Play – recommendations for your media consuming.

Listen to this: A great podcast episode about giving up something you love.

Yesterday I was out walking my dog, which I do multiple times a day and I came across this podcast episode while scrolling the Slate Podcast Daily feed on Spotify:

https://slate.com/podcasts/man-up/2019/09/players-who-quit-the-nfl-why-joshua-perry-is-happy-he-retired-at-age-24

The Man Up podcast by Aymann Ismail, and this particular episode is about a 24 year old football player who retired from the game due to primarily concussions, but also other nagging injuries.

(First off, yeah, the name of this podcast isn’t something I’d gravitate to. I’m a dude, but I’m not really a jock-bro-dude, and the name of this thing sort of screams that out to me.)

But, what did appeal to me was an athlete talking about something he loved due to concussions. This ties back to my own life because I suffered a concussion while coaching a roller derby practice.

The backstory is that I played (I almost typed “play”, present-tense, because I’m still dealing with this whole can’t play because of injury thing) roller derby on an all-genders team. I had some pretty rough injuries – herniated disc, torn rotator cuff, and finally the concussion. It happened really suddenly and for a dumb reason. I was demonstrating how to block someone, and I fell backwards, and hit my head. It wasn’t a dramatic fall. It wasn’t something that stopped practice. I was wearing a helmet. Right away I could tell that something was amiss. Over the course of a few months, I’d have to stop skating. I went to a concussion doctor and they basically told me to take it easy and not skate for 3-4 months. This was pretty devastating to me because I loved the sport of roller derby. I loved my friends there, the liberal and welcoming community, and I loved pushing myself like crazy to do physical things I didn’t think I was capable of before.

A lot of those sentiments are reflected in that podcast episode with Joshua Perry. He brings up things I hadn’t thought of, either. How these sports like football (or in my case, roller derby sometimes) cause you to push yourself and not listen to your body. Sure, there are times in exercise and in sports when you need to push through, but playing with a broken rib, for example, is not one of those times.

Aymann reacted comically when Joshua Perry said this about playing a game with a broken rib. What is funny to me is my own reaction – I’ve known MANY derby players that came back and played with a broken rib. Or played derby with a cast on their arm, or a concussion that they sustained the day before.

Joshua Perry also said how ultimately he decided to quit because he thought about the long-term effects of what that sport would do to him.

I feel similarly about roller derby. I’m not 24 anymore by a long shot, and still thinking I can handle a full-contact sport. I think it might be time to put myself out to pasture and not risk further head or back injuries.

Read this: A great book about working in normal, yet terrible jobs.

On the Clock: What Low-Wage Work Did to Me and How it Drives America Insane by Emily Guendelsberger. 

I’m usually a person who takes forever to read a book. Especially lately. My attention span gets grabbed and twisted toward other things – walking the aforementioned dog. Finally making my room, which I moved into back in May, habitable. Playing endless amounts of phone games. Guendelsberger caused me to defy my own slothful reading habits and plunge through this book faster than I usually do.

She worked at three places – an Amazon warehouse, an AT&T call center, and a McDonald’s. Rather than interview people at length about the conditions at those places, she got employed at them and thereby was able to report back on things that journalists usually don’t have access to firsthand, like what the inside of the Amazon warehouse looked like, or the precautionary talks from the call center trainers about how using the bathroom could be construed as “time theft”, or how at the McDonald’s her shift manager had her refuse a cup of coffee to a person who had the money to pay for it. (I won’t spoil the reason for that one. You should definitely read the book.)

It is conversational enough to be a page-turner and also theory based enough to be substantive. I checked it out twice from the library because I forgot to copy down the further reading list at the back. This book lead me down the path to check out Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich (a little old now, and her written voice doesn’t appeal to me as much as Guendelsberger’s), and Scarcity by Sendhil Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir (haven’t started it yet, but I’m looking forward to it.)

This book reminded me that these types of jobs are totally normal for people in the United States to have. It’s totally normal to go to work sick because your job doesn’t allow you any paid sick leave. It’s totally normal to have your bathroom times monitored. “Normal”, not in the sense that it’s good or should be that way. “Normal” in the sense that so many people have to deal with that kind of crappy work environment that saps your soul.

Watch this: An old movie about dudes that say the F word a lot, but has a lot to offer in terms of work today.

Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamet, directed by James Foley.

Here is a quick grab of probably the most memorable moment of the film, featuring this speech we’ve all probably heard by Alec Baldwin’s character.

CAUTION- lots of F-bombs and assorted language. Mute if you care about that sort of thing.

And, let’s get this out of the way, Bill Hader’s rendition of this speech on the HBO series Barry:

 

There’s way more to say about Glengarry Glen Ross, but I’ll keep it brief. Watch it just for the over the top 90s noir vibe. The music, the shots, the rain in the first part of the movie. Watch it to see Jack Lemon act the shit out of that part and say more curse words than you’re comfortable seeing come out of someone who could be your grandfather. Also watch it because Alec Baldwin’s character is pretty much who I think Donald Trump thinks he is at all times.

Play this: a time waster of a game for your phone that takes legitimate finesse and is also pretty fun.

https://toucharcade.com/2019/07/12/toucharcade-game-of-the-week-walk-master/

Walk Master is a game where you guide ridiculous and lovable cartoony characters through a cartoon landscape on stilts. It’s a little puzzle-y at parts and reminds me of another game in a very opposite sort of aesthetic – Limbo.

The sounds are nice and calming – crunching through grass, wind in the trees, the bleat of your cartoon goat as it falls down a cliff.

It’s a fun game. It also features this guy:

Any recommendations for me? Let me know.

2/5/19 Dispatch from Minneapolis

Last week, here in Minneapolis, we experienced the polar vortex.

-26 degrees outside. -49 degrees with wind chill.

Then we got a reprieve. 30 degrees (positive this time!) with a little bit of rain.

It was delightful. It was something we could handle.

Then the temperatures plunged again down into the single digits the past two days so everything is covered in ice.

I’m watching movies, I’m reading comic books, I’m trying to be a creative person while also juggling friends, working out, hobbies, and being almost in my 4th decade of life.

What is a slog (boring): just reviewing movies willy-nilly. I really enjoy talking about movies with my friends when I do it, but there is a part of me that screams about it since I don’t want my life to be simply critiquing and commenting on others’ works.

There’s something so enjoyable, though, about saying: I’m going to watch ALL of the Oscar Nominees this year.

Even though the Oscars have plenty of things wrong with them. I almost never agree with who wins Best Picture. I think people are given awards for movies that we know are just for them being who they are. (Hey Denzel, we should have given you this Oscar for Malcom X, but instead here’s an Oscar for Training Day. [I love Training Day and Denzel, but that’s just one example.])

I appreciate those recap podcasts. Rewatchables, Lower Decks (For Star Trek Discovery), A Cast of Kings (podcast with Dave Chen for Game of Thrones), but I don’t think I could have the mechanical brain to sit there and map out each episode and talk about it in that length. It’s very satisfying to hear, but I don’t know that I would be good at it.

In no order, here are some movies I’ve watched recently:

-Blackkklansman

-Thor

-Roma

-Total Recall

It’s like I have to throw in some white guy bullshirt type of movie in between a good culturally relevant movie.

—

I’ve started keeping a little notebook of what I spend my cash on. I’m not terrible with money, but I think I often don’t realize how much per week I’m spending because I don’t look that often. Let’s see how that goes.

—

I would like to write more. Not just for the sake of writing, but create some fiction. I suppose a short story would be a good place to start.

 

I am probably starting in the wrong place. This shall go out into the internet as-is.

 

1/25/19 End of shutdown, finally?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/government-shutdown-deal-reached-trump-speech-announcement-opens-government-shutdown-over-today-live-updates-2019-01-25/

Okay, so Trump decides to end a government shutdown after what is it, 35 days?

I think this management style is known as the abusive boyfriend / father / spouse / significant other. They take something away from you that was yours to begin with. They blame you for the problem. “Look what you made me do! This is all your fault, you’re forcing my hand to do this!” They make you agonize for over a month, and then act like they should be applauded when they end whatever doom they themselves were responsible for to begin with.

That said, I really do wish the professional politicians on the other side were able to finagle something before now. Compromise. Negotiate. That’s what you’re paid to do.

We’ll float along in this state of euphoria having navigated (weathered) this disaster on behalf of our political system until the next one rolls around. (Which will be soon, I’m sure.)

Reviewing television and movies?

Okay,  I’d like to say I get some wacky ideas in my head sometimes and I go off and get all Bukowski-like when I’m writing. I’m referring to the past two entries from last year that got a little weird and free-versey. Hey, that’s fine. These things happen.

In any case, I’ll attempt to rein it in, in the future. (Yes, rein it in.)

What to do with all the TV watching?

One of the reasons I entered into that free-verse “lowercase reviews” as I was calling them is because I was trying to find a new form of movie and TV review. I love thinking and talking and writing about TV and movies, but it’s something that gets done everywhere. And the more I write about all of that stuff, the more I realize that I’m just sort of mediocre at it. I really enjoy recording podcasts about entertainment, but that’s me talking to another person and hashing things out. Usually I listen to those types of podcasts when I’m bored as hell and have 3 hours on the road or more ahead of me.

But still, can we do anything with all that TV watching that a lot of us do? I would like for that time spent, where I am ingesting the latest Netflix whatever it is, to profit me in some way. But I think the writing of reviews is sort of dull and adds up to not much of a hill of beans.

A new way of TV watching? 

I watched the beginning mini series of Battlestar Galactica again, while I played this really simple and really addicting tower defense game on the iPhone – Kingdom Rush. Well, it gave me the suggestion of watching some terrible Kevin Sorbo show called Andromeda right after.

Kevin Sorbo shakes hand with a blonde lady. Hologram Jen, Pink Raver Girl, Bill S. Preston, Rat Face, and Capoeira watch with serious faces. 

I’m trying to be a bit more intentional with what I’m doing lately. I bemoan the fact that my apartment isn’t clean even though I haven’t cleaned it. I say I want to write and read more, and yet I don’t spend time doing that stuff. So anyway, here we are and I’m about to watch this Andromeda show. I decide I can split the difference between my desire to glance up and watch some stuff happening on the TV, and reading a chapter in this book – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – by just having the TV on, but with no sound, and listening to Charles Mingus instead. – All of that said, Andromeda looks terrible.

I don’t have an answer to how or what to do about the watching of series and TV. It seems like our cultural language  (and in some ways, how smart you are, and  success, maybe?) trades in what shows you watch. “Oh my god, you haven’t seen ALL of Black Mirror? What’s WRONG with you?”

There are some great narratives on TV out there, but there are not enough hours in the day to watch all of the things and still get stuff done.

So, I’ll just end with a question: How do you feel about all the TV watching you do? How do you feel about all the reviewing of TV?

 

 

 

 

lowercase tv journal: star trek discovery (2017)

tv journal: writing + journal + review

star trek discovery (2017) – cbs

i can’t say i was waiting anxiously for this but there was a buzz amongst my friends.

i’m a guy who loves primarily the next generation-

if i have insomnia, i put tng on my phone,

i set the phone upside down on the bed frame,

i listen to the opening scene of whatever episode

and it leads in to patrick stewart monolog,

and the familiar chimes and theme,

and by the time the theme is done, i’m usually passed out.

i have a fondness for this show that lulls me into sleep.

 

comfort watching.

 

so i put my credit card in for cbs all access so i could watch

discovery.

the lighting and sets,

special effects all look great.

 

the klingons- i’m sorry, i can’t help thinking that the klingons

are just a metaphor for black people, and that bothers me.

the white albino klingon doing… something? lighting the beacon.

 

they put a twist on the usual do-gooder mentality of star trek and the

federation by focusing

on sonequa martin-green’s character- the half-vulcan half-human (i think?)

who ultimately (spoiler spoiler) winds up betraying the asian

captain.

 

i had no idea where this series was going to go until the

trailers for next time

popped up.

 

michael (sonequa’s character) winds up heading to prison,

and then it looks like jason isaac’s character recruits her

to be on the discovery.

 

okay so some weirdness and dislikes i had: 

-the musical theme wasn’t strong. just kind of a bland strumming of strings with a couple of musical familiar elements thrown in.

-the opening credits of blue printy type
michaelangelo drawings was just okay.

-i already talked about how i think the
klingons are a not good race substitute.

-just go to war and shoot first:
are they trying to grab the republican audience?

-doug jones’s science officer character is
basically an alien c3po but that’s great.

-i’d like a little more “star-trekky” moral
conundrums and sci-fi stuff.

-the gender-mixing of captain and first
officer was good – even down to the stereotypically
male first name given to a female character

ultimately: i liked it.
it was less action-y than i thought it was going to be,
in a good way.
i don’t like the star-wars-ification of the trek franchise.

big question is: should I keep forking over 6$ a month to watch it? mayyyybe.

 

lowercase movie journal – american graffiti (1973)

(journal meets writing meets movie review)

—

 

9/22

 

american graffiti – 1973 – george lucas

 

lots of painful scenes

girls rejecting the guys, the guys pressing on regardless

 

were the 60s like that, george?

 

it’s in the 90s, temperature-wise here.

i feel cooped up in my small apartment.

 

i get it. the fondness of reminiscing on adolescence

and figuring women out.

 

but it’s a sinking gross kind of feeling, too.

 

you stare at your own picture enough

and you become a monster.

 

/

 

the ending with the epitaphs was weird.

women treated as objects throughout the whole thing

side characters who don’t warrant any sort of mention along

with the dudes.

 

lots of uncomfortable cat calling scenes

i disliked this movie much more this time around.